My Joy and Suffering Whilst Watching Aubrey Gordon’s Your Fat Friend Film: Part 1
A List of Five Complicated Feelings.
Content Note: naming of size and weight, food and family dinners, mention of diet talk.
Last Thursday evening, when I pressed the play button of Aubrey Gordon’s Your Fat Friend documentary directed by Jeanie Finlay, I had no idea that by the end I would be left bouncing between extreme joy and existential hopelessness.
As a devoted fangirl of Aubrey’s, it was a dream come true when I chatted with her on the Fat Joy podcast. Aubrey has mainstreamed conversations about anti-fatness and diet culture (JUST yesterday, she appeared on the wildly popular podcast We Can Do Hard Things).
Her bold authenticity, raw vulnerability, and “Methodology Queen” approach appeals to people of all body sizes. She’s been able to pull back the shadowy curtain of the $403 trillion dollar “wellness” industry, revealing how we’re all being harmed as these companies stoke the fires of sizeism for their own monetary gain.
(If you don’t subscribe to Aubrey and Michael Hobbes’ podcast Maintenance Phase, go do that right now, please. And, please subscribe to Fat Joy too!)
So, of course I jumped on buying one of the limited tickets to stream the film in my comfiest clothes cozied up on the couch with my partner. And then ALL THE FEELINGS came out to play as we watched the film.
To help process the weather system of emotions that showed up, I’ve come to the page, and to you:
(Note, I am going to talk about aspects of the film, so if you don’t know anything about Aubrey’s story and want to be totally surprised, then this may be where you stop reading.)
Feeling #1.
It was heart-gratifyingly satisfying to see a visibly fat person centered in their own story. As we move with Aubrey through several years, we see her doing all the normal things: grocery shopping, walking the dog, cooking, hanging with her family, and working. And she’s doing it all in her size 26, 350 lbs body.
I’ve never seen fat people documented living their normal lives in this way before. Have you? (Please leave a comment or email me if you’ve got recommendations but only if they’re fat positive. I have no interest in seeing anything slanted with anti-fat bias or as a ‘cautionary tale.’)
Perhaps Bridget Everett’s Somebody Somewhere comes close, but it’s fiction and they don’t really talk about fatness, which I found to be such a relief. Or Michelle Buteau’s Survival of the Thickest where they do talk about fatness in a way that feels bold and exciting, but again it’s fiction, and the main character doesn’t experience many of the realities of size discrimination that fat folks in real life face daily.
I love both of these shows and highly recommend them, and yet, neither of them felt like they got into the nuance and depth of what it’s like to live in a marginalized, fat body like the Your Fat Friend film was able to reach.
We get to see Aubrey’s joys and fears, doubts and certainties, and we’re cheering for her all the way through to the triumphant final scene. I was left with happy tears and a grateful heart.
Feeling #2.
Swinging in the other direction emotionally is the feeling of rolling a boulder uphill with no possibility of reaching the top. Based on the piece Aubrey wrote that went viral, the film opens with a plea for viewers to believe what they’re about to witness, and I wonder if this request will ever be truly heard.
Between overt and internalized anti-fatness, is empathy for fat people even possible?
I’ve based the whole Fat Joy podcast on my deeply-held belief that witnessing each other’s stories connects us beyond difference. And I know that from a neuroscience perspective when we listen to stories, our brainwaves literally sync up with the storyteller’s and, in some ways, we then become one with someone else.
And yet, for all the work of fat activists like Aubrey Gordon and others, will we ever be able to roll the diet culture boulder to the top of the hill and send it careening down the other side, breaking into smithereens and disappearing forever?
This is where I drop into hopelessness. The effort, financial resources, and hours of time required to advocate for fat liberation is overwhelming at times. It feels like we’re not reaching the people that really need to be reached. The troll comments Aubrey and other fat activists receive (including me) that threaten extreme violence and death are terrifying. Troll comments aren’t illegal, so the police can’t do anything, and instead public figures are left adding additional door locks to their homes and praying they don’t get doxxed. (If you’re skeptical about how bad this can actually get, please listen to this episode of the Fat Joy podcast with Angel Austin as she shares how people are betting on the death dates of fat folks.)
In my most despairing moments, I think if even Aubrey can’t reach these people, then why on earth should I keep trying?
Did you see the film too? What were your thoughts?
I’d love to know!! Comment or send me an email.
Feelings #3- 5 come next Friday for paying subscribers.
Next week, there will be three more complicated feelings added to the list that paying subscribers can read:
How fat people survive family dinners, how hard it was to hear Aubrey’s family talk about dieting, and why I’ve gone no contact with my family
How Aubrey’s body is shown in the film inspired me to share a photo no one else has seen
How Aubrey’s dog, Finn Diesel, connects me to joy and presence with my dog, Beatrice
Fat Joy is on its way to becoming reader-supported, which means that if you’re a fan of the Fat Joy podcast or this Substack newsletter, I invite you to become a paying subscriber for $5/month so that I can continue making both for you.
You’ll also be able to read the rest of the complicated feelings list on December 8th.
Please help us continue cultivating Fat Joy in the world!
Thank you for this; I can't wait to watch this film!