Creating an “Oh, Shit!” List
A practical strategy to move from feeling stressed & untethered to being recentered and ready to go.
Did you listen to the Fat Joy Podcast this week? Jenna Doak vulnerably & transparently shares how working in toxic fitness culture inspired her to create Body Positive Fitness as an alternative. And she’s offering Fat Joy listeners 50% off the drop-in rate. Details in the episode notes.
Some BIG news from behind-the-scenes of the Fat Joy Podcast. I’m recording with two superstars in two weeks, and I’m in total awe of them: Mary Lambert (legendary singer, body liberationist) and adrienne maree brown (author of Emergent Strategy, Pleasure Activism, thought leader, and activist)!!!
Paying subscribers…what questions should I ask these incredible guests? Post in comments or send me an email.
Content Notes: mention of Gaza, Ukraine, illness, gastric bypass surgery, death of a grandparent, and food.
(Many of my “Oh, Shit!” moments these past 10 days had to do with keeping this rambunctious puppy from being a puppy)
I spent the last 47 minutes watching funny animal videos instead of writing this piece.
When I watch long stretches of parrots talking, pandas eating, and dogs doing everything hilariously, it’s a signal that life is too much for me in the moment. What my brain and heart need is a pause and a way to de-activate my nervous system so that I can come back to whatever I’m doing with more intention, purpose, and wholeness.
It’s taken me years to recognize, accept, and work with my own nervous system’s idiosyncrasies. I’ve learned who causes me anxiety, the circumstances most likely to evoke stress, and that I need a variety of methods available at a moment’s notice to ground and calm in order to then move forward.
As a professional Coach, I know that one of the best skills we can develop is this ability to catch the moment between stimulus and response and to be at choice with what we do in that micro-second.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Often attributed to Steven Covey or Viktor E. Frankl
These past few weeks have been really stressful, more so than the usual stressful that’s continued from March 2020. And as I’ve moved through these particular weeks, I’ve struggled with how to orient my feelings, to neither diminish them nor ignore the context in which they’re occuring.
So, I’ve re-written this sentence at least ten times because I want to convey that there’s immense pain in the world and that I have the privilege of writing this piece from safety while so many humans in our world are not safe.
And, I’ve re-written this sentence several times over because I want to express how to hold the impossible paradox of living in a world based on systemic oppression while also still trying to live our lives as if there is fairness and joy and justice…all of which feel very far away right now.
My words cannot meet this moment in a sophisticated way. All I know to do is name what is felt, messy and unformed as it is.
And what I’m feeling is that almost every client I see right now is filled with burnout, exhaustion, and despair.
One client is waiting to hear back about her husband’s biopsy results.
Another client has been directed to reduce her workforce by 25%.
Another is debating gastric bypass surgery.
Another wonders why she should bother finishing her memoir because the privilege of being able to write creatively while others suffer has her feeling like creativity is inconsequential.
Another is saving money to bring even more family members to live with her from Ukraine, adding to the 17 she’s brought so far.
One wants to demonstrate against the war in Gaza but is worried about anti-Muslim violence…and another is worried about anti-Semitic violence.
My job as a Coach is to hold space for all that clients are experiencing, which is one of the deepest honours of my life. And the other part of my job is to take all the messiness, chaos, and confusion and help clients wrangle a way forward from stuckness into action that comes from the truest, wisest part of themselves.
One of the structures that I find helps is the creation of an “Oh, Shit!” list. This is a written list of tangible behaviours, actions, mindsets, and people that bring us back to ourselves so we can move forward with more clarity, certainty, and courage…when shit is hitting the fan.
And for the science nerds out there, it’s an exercise to re-engage our prefrontal cortex and bring our executive functioning back online. (My neuroscience teacher writes about this “Goldilocks” effect in this post.) When we’re stressed and our prefrontal cortex goes ‘offline,’ we are biologically incapable of thinking clearly. That’s why having a list of things you can just look at and follow is essential- your brain cannot remember how to calm down in a stress-filled moment. Let’s work with our biology!
If you’re feeling like you could use an “Oh, Shit!” list, then stick around. I’m going to write out the steps below…and I’m also sharing a video where you can do it with me live. I haven’t updated my own “Oh, Shit!” list in a while, so I’m grateful to have the opportunity to co-create one with you.
For free subscribers, this is where we leave you. Please consider becoming a paying subscriber so that you can join in.
If you do become a paying subscriber, you’ll get immediate access to a 35-minute video that walks you through a process to create your own, customized “Oh, Shit!” list as well as a written version.
I share my own list and reflections and invite you to share with the Fat Joy paying subscriber community, or with me directly, what made it on to your list and what the experience was like creating it.
(This image is just a teaser for the video you’ll get as a paying subscriber. It’s not the actual video.)
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